Get Moving Challenge!

Personally, I love a challenge. I am not athletic (never have been), but I am very competitive when I know I have a chance to succeed. I am not sure what it is about them, but I usually thrive in a competitive atmosphere (I realize this is a serious flaw that I need to work on). But this may explain why I am so excited to participate in the Get Moving Challenge!

I haven't gone to the gym or exercised on a regular basis since the middle of April so this is exactly what I need to get back into the routine. What I really love about this challenge is that everyone can be a winner because we are only competing against ourselves. I have decided that I will walk 60 miles in the month of July. Why don't you join me?

Healthy You Challenge Check In

Wow, I think I am a tad ornery these days. :) Sorry! After much thought, I have decided to take a week off the scale. Some may say that is a total cop-out (it is), but just thinking about weighing in today completely stressed me out yesterday (that is where I got ornery and down on myself).

Here are a few things that I know about me:
* I need to lose weight
* I tend to be a perfectionist
* If I can't be a near perfectionist at something, I quit
* I was no where near a perfectionist this past weekend, but I am not going to quit!

So after analyzing how I am wired, I decided to take a week off the scales. It was a fun weekend with my friends, but I could have and should have ate better. I need to consider steps I can take to do better next time an event like this occurs (which happen all the time because that is called "having a life!"). I have a strong tendency to cycle through bad eating behaviors. I already ate and had fun (without thinking of the ramifications). But, I don't have to complete the cycle (i.e. weigh, see that I gained "stupid" weight, binge and not even consider eating healthy or exercising for an extended period of time). That won't help me at all. So, I am going to regroup and start again, but without the lapse of time in between (something good has to come from this experience).

Since I am coming clean, I have to admit, I binged when I was feeling down yesterday and this morning. I ate McDonald's for breakfast and candy bars (yes, plural) last night. But, I will keep trying because I know and need to apply the following in my life: It isn't the last step I took that makes me a failure, it is not taking the NEXT one to fix it.

The Weekend

I had a fun time last weekend hanging out with friends I rarely see anymore. We spent two all-nighters catching up and now I need to spend a few days catching up on sleep. I tell you, I am to old for that kind of life style anymore. Weekends like that never phased me when I was in college. Currently, I am worthless at work and wish I could just crawl into bed.

Although the weekend was fun, I did not eat well at all. I wasn't worried about my eating habits, but now I regret it so much. I took a sneak peak at the scale this morning and it was not pretty. I hope a miracle happens and I lose some of it before my official weigh-in tomorrow morning.

Weekly Goals

I have been thinking a lot about my goals this week. I struggled a little bit deciding what I would do because I am having a "girl's weekend" with friends I only see once a year. Call me crazy, but I don't want to announce (or even appear) to be on a diet. Maybe it is just me, but I like to see (and have other people see) some results before I announce my change to a healthy lifestyle. Am I alone in this kind of behavior?

So, my goals for this week are the following:

Drink Water - I plan on drinking a gallon of water a day. I have done this a few times in the past 10 years (I called it the "Gallon Challenge") and it worked really well once I got past the first few days.

Walk to Work - I live ridiculously close to where I work (1/2 mile). In the year I have lived at my house, I have NEVER walked to work. This means I will have to wake up earlier to get to work on time, but it will help get me moving and incorporate activity in to my daily life.

Record My Food - I am not going to count calories or anything like that this week, but I do want to write down what I am actually putting in my mouth. I really think this will help (as least for this modified week).

Exercise - I am going to exercise at least three times (not including my walks back and forth to work) this week. It doesn't matter if it is at the gym, a workout video, or a brisk walk around my neighborhood. I just need to get MOVING!

Cook My Own Food - I don't ever cook (I am terrible at it!) so I usually eat junk food or purchase fast food. If I do eat an actual meal, it is because I was invited somewhere to dinner. So, I am going out on a big limb by saying I will cook one healthy meal this week (scary!!!).

Whew, that last goal exhausted me so I think I will stop right there. :) Although these goals may appear to be baby steps to some, it is a good jumping off point for me.

Healthy You Challenge Check In

I lost 1.6 pound this week and I have to say I am a little disappointed in myself. I could say a pound is a pound (trust me, I am glad the scale is moving down), but I know that I didn't really stay on plan very well this week. In fact, I think that is my problem, I don't really have "a plan" yet.

So, here is what I am going to try to do consistently. On Tuesdays, I will weigh in and report my {loss} . . . gotta think positive. On Wednesdays, I will post my new goals for the week. I am still trying to figure out the best "plan" so for now I will adjust it weekly.

Although I didn't have a big weight loss (my own fault, of course), I still feel like I am winning the fight against obesity. Because, I KNOW I can do this. It is true that I am slowly getting on the band wagon, but I am still doing it. I am not quitting because I am not meeting (or exceeding) my expectations. That is a huge win for me due to my "all or nothing personality." So, don't give up on me yet. I have a lot of fight left in me.

Biggest Losers - Phillipe and Sione

So, this weekend I was able to meet Phillipe and Sione from last season's Biggest Loser. Wow, do they look amazing! Seeing them on TV does not do them justice. Plus, they are so nice and down to earth. I wanted to take a picture with them, but wait . . . that picture would of course include me - YIKES! The weight I am right now, I don't want any pictures of me, especially not with two guys who look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! So, I didn't. :(

On other news, I didn't eat like I should of this weekend. One day, I didn't eat hardly anything and the next day I just ate junk food. What was I thinking? I also didn't exercise this weekend. Thank goodness it is Monday (you don't usually hear me say that!). I am going to get back on track because I NEED to lose weight.

What are some motivators that help you? I would love any suggestions!

Aunt **** Is Fat

So, I stopped by my sister's house to visit last night. There were a lot of people there and we had a lot of fun talking. My niece was upstairs playing, but was finally coaxed down for dinner after everyone left. Randomly, my niece said, "Mom, I heard you talking about how fat Aunt **** was." I, of course, just sat there acting calm. But inside, I was wondering if I really was the topic of conversation before I walked in. My poor sister was so embarrassed and tried to get my niece to let it go, but being a true five year old who knew she was right, she wasn't going to let it drop. Later, my sister sent me a text saying how sorry she was and that she never said that.

But, here is the real rub. A year after my first nephew was born, I was, once again, trying to lose weight. I was reading a book, I believe it was Dr. Phil's weight loss book, that proposed I write down some reasons why I wanted to lose weight. One of the first reason was that I wanted to be able to play with my nieces and nephews. I also wrote that I wanted to lose weight before my nieces and nephews KNEW I was heavy. This was very important to me even when they were so young.

Well, last night it hit me again when my niece was talking (or should we say arguing with her mom). I have got to get a grip. I don't ever want my nieces and nephews to be embarrassed of me because of my weight (makes me wonder if they already have been). As they get older, it is just going to get worse. As bad as it hurt to hear my niece call me fat, I guess it is just another good motivator to lose the weight.

Wicked Wednesday

Why, you may ask, would I want to start my new eating and exercise habits in the middle of the week - Wicked Wednesday - to be more exact? Because I have got to get a grip on my weight (and ultimately my life) immediately. Every night I promise that tomorrow I will start again. June 1 was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I think I ended up skipping the gym and probably swinging past Dairy Queen.

So, today is the day. So far, I have done relatively well. Protein shake for breakfast, yogurt for a snack, and a healthy chicken salad for lunch. A co-worker brought in chips and salsa this afternoon. I took a little bit as well as a few M&M's but really limited myself. I don't feel bad about it because I would usually consume so much more. It can count as an afternoon snack as long as it isn't a large quantity. I am doing well drinking my water as well (60 fl. oz. already done). I didn't make it to the gym this morning so I am going to do one of The Firm workouts tonight (I have put my plan to exercise in writing so now I HAVE to do it!).

But, the best thing about today is that it doesn't seem very wicked. I am focusing again on losing weight. And because of that, it feels like life is good and I have so many doors that will be opened. I don't know, it sounds kind of crazy, but I think I am on a "diet high." Hmmm, never heard of that before, but I will take it! :)

I'm BAAACCK!!!

So, let me re-introduce myself. I am a complete slacker who desperately wants to lose weight. However, I seem to let "life" get in the way. I have come to the realization that life is never going to slow down, get easier, or take a back seat so I can focus solely on weight loss. I wish I could . . . it sounds so much easier.

So, I am still behind at work. I am still trying to get my house organized and clean. I am still trying to be a good friend, sister, daughter, aunt etc. BUT I am also going to lose weight. Because, if I can get a handle on my weight, I might can get a handle on the rest of my life.

Food Journal - March 11, 2009

I think blogging every day about my food choices is going to be very helpful. It makes me so accountable. I have decided to post my food journal the next day so I won't cheat and eat something after I post. So here it goes:

6:45 a.m. - Protein shake with flax seed oil
12:00 p.m.- Chicken, rice and stuffing casserole
3:00 p.m. - Handful of almonds
5:15 p.m. - Two chocolate mints
7:00 p.m. - Chicken, rice and stuffing casserole
7:00 p.m. - Green beans

So that was my day. The casserole isn't great for me. I ate it with white rice and it has cream of chicken soup in it. I am going to make it again and use brown rice and the 94% cream of chicken soup. I love it so I am just going to try to make it healthier. Also, I ate the two mints without consciously thinking about it - I didn't really want them. After eating them, I realized I did it to procrastinate a project that I was not looking forward to doing. It is a habit that I have that I really need to break. If I don't want to do something, I almost always decide to eat in order to postpone it. The payoff is not worth it!

I did add green beans to my dinner because I realized how unbalanced my food was yesterday (Okay, honestly, I knew someone would mention that I didn't have any fruits or vegetables.) And although it is the only vegetable I had yesterday, it was something. Plus, I ate less casserole which means less calories and enough to eat it for lunch tomorrow. I need to go grocery shopping and pick up some produce.

I also drank 96 oz. of water and exercised yesterday. I walked 4.5 miles on a treadmill in 76 minutes.

Healthy You Challenge Check In #4

So . . . I maintained. To some this may be a huge bummer. But I know how I ate this week and I am thanking my body for maintaining. In fact, I think it is quite amazing. I didn't even move a tenth of a pound in either direction. I am a little OCD so I have to weigh myself at least three times so I know I for sure got the right weight. Does anyone else do this?

Anyway, I need to be more accountable. I have been trying to figure out how I can do this. So, I am asking a favor. I am going to post every day. And every day I am going to include what I am eating (at least until I get in the groove). Now, the favor - {please} hold me accountable. My posts will be boring, but I am hoping it will really help me. Stay tune . . . will I eat tuna fish or chicken. Oh the mystery of it all. ;)

Work = Emotionally Eating

Okay, so I am still struggling! I can't believe this - I usually am better than this (at least in the beginning). So, I posted my last blog and was m-o-t-i-v-a-t-e-d. I wrote down everything I ate, I drank tons of water, I quit eating at 7 p.m. and I exercised. The next day, I woke up at 4 a.m. and did cardio for 36 minutes walking 2.22 miles. I got to work an hour early and was feeling great. And then . . . work happened. This seems to happen all the time. I didn't go to lunch (to busy) and just ate junk food. Lucky for me (dripping with sarcasm), I had to attend a retirement reception that afternoon for a co-worker so I ate brownies, rice krispies, and cake for my lunch and dinner. I ended up staying at work until midnight trying to catch up on work. But I left with a ton of stuff still on my desk that I need to deal with. :(

This morning, I didn't work out because I was to tired. I had to pick up some documents before I came into work so guess what I did? I stopped in at the grocery store next door and picked up reese's peanut butter eggs (6 pack) and a king size Symphony bar. I figured, why do good in the morning if I am just going to end up working all day and night and eat poorly. So I started early this morning! Terrible!

I must admit, I have done a bang-up job on my food binge today. And I would probably still be eating if I hadn't read some weight-loss blogs. They put everything into perspective for me. I wish I had more time to read blogs. I get so motivated when I read about other people's successes.

So, I need to get a grip. I have stopped eating for the night (one point for me). I keep thinking if I could catch up at work, I would have some control over my eating. I am realizing that my job really affects me emotionally. And I deal with it by emotionally eating. Hmm, I might need to write a future post about my job and my career history. It might help me draw some connections. But . . . I need to get back to work. Grrrr! However, does anyone have any suggestions to handle stress (specifically at work, if possible) without turning to food?

Healthy You Challenge Check In #3

I was shocked when I weighed! I actually lost 1.4 pounds. I am not sure exactly how that happened, but it did. I, for one, am not going to complain. This is the motivation I needed, even if it doesn't make any logical sense.

So my goals for this week are the following:
* Exercise five days (cardio all five days and strength train for two)
* Drink eight bottles (about 16 fl. oz. each) of water a day
* Keep a food journal
* No eating after 7 p.m.

Okay, I can do this! I am actually pretty excited about it.

Basketball Games = Bad Week

So this week didn't go exactly how I planned. Confession . . . I did worse this week than last week. Last week I still exercised six days. This week I only exercised two. Terrible! I also ate dreadfully. You see I now realize I am a basketball junkie. Monday night I went to an NBA basketball game and ate pizza and ice cream. This weekend was a high school state tournament so I watched games all night Thursday and Friday as well as a full day on Saturday. I didn't do a whole lot more except EAT!

I actually walked into the games Saturday morning in pants that were comfortable, but by 9:30 that night, my pants felt so tight on me. I can't believe I can eat to the point where I am so uncomfortable and still eat more. It is wrong!

Needless to say, I know I will have a gain tomorrow. :( I hate to post that my weight has actually gone up again. I have to get a grip. Maybe if I blogged more frequently that would help.

Healthy You Challenge Check In #2

So, I weighed . . . I cried . . . I got mad . . . I pouted . . . and I am now trying to get over it. The scale said that I weighed 232.6. That equals exactly a 2 pound gain. Grrrr! But who do I hold responsible for this? My work, my fat genes, stress etc. Myself, and only myself, is to blame. So I am getting back on the wagon. I can win the fight. Yes, I had a major slip up right at the get go. But I can do this . . . I will do this!

Fresh Start

Well, today is a fresh start. I am so glad to be finished with last week. It was a terrible week and my weight gain has just confirmed it. I am leaving work early today to go to a NBA basketball game. It should be a lot of fun and I am going with people I don't see very often. When first asked to go, I was worried about it because I was afraid it would screw up my plan. But since I did that last week with no special plans, I guess I don't need to worry about it. ;) I am now going to focus on having fun and making wise eating choices. I am determined to stick to my plan today!

TGIF!!!

This week has been so stressful at work! I am so glad the week is done and hopefully I can catch up this weekend on all the piles of paperwork on my desk. I wasn't prepared to have such a crazy week and because of that I feel like I was in a continual downward spiral.

Every day this week, I got up and exercised super early in the morning (4 a.m. to be exact). I would come back from the gym motivated to eat healthy and stay on track. However, mid-morning I would eat something STUPID and it was completely stress- related. In fact, one morning I came back to my desk from meeting with my boss and immediately reached for a chocolate truffle. I wasn't hungry when I went into the meeting and I wasn't hungry when I got out of the meeting. But I had an impossible list of things to do and so I ate. I am starting to realize when I have a time crunch in front of me, I check out for a minute and eat something (like that is really going to help the situation!). It is frustrating because I recognize what I am doing; I just don't care at that particular moment to control it.

I tell myself everyday, "What is the point of sacrificing sleep to exercise if you are just going to eat crappy food?" And this works . . .right up to the next stressful situation that I need to eat my way through. Any suggestions or tips on what I can do? I am sabotaging myself (which gets me so mad!) and I am not sure how to fix it. All I know is that I am really worried what the scale is going to tell me on Monday.

On the bright side, this work week is over. I will get up tomorrow and workout again. I am rededicating myself to eating healthy regardless of stressful situations. Stress is part of life and I need to deal with it straight on. However, I will do my homework (i.e. come into work this weekend to catch up) and at least not invite stress into my life by not having everything on my desk done before the start of next week. Here's to better eating!

Healthy You Challenge Check In

Yeah, it is my first check in with the HYC. Thank you already for the comments I have received. I was so excited!!!

So the scale is down 4.4 pounds this week. I am very happy with the number. I have been getting up at 4 a.m. to make it to the gym before work for the past two weeks. I am glad to see that it has paid off. Tomorrow I will try to post a little bit about my diet and exercise plan. Any pointers are also very appreciated!

I realize this is a short post, but this Tuesday sure does feel like a Monday. Hoping tomorrow goes a little smoother!

Harder Than I Thought

This blogging craze is harder than I thought. I have been trying to set up my blog for a couple of hours now! And it still doesn't look the way I want. What isn't hard is reading other peoples' blogs. I am so inspired by blogs that discuss others personal journeys with weight-loss. I have already found many who have been where I am now . . . facing a long, daunting road of eating healthy, exercising, and most importantly, staying diligent to the cause. It is scary and seems impossible, but then I read where others started and where they are ending up. Do they realize the impact that they have on someone like me? I hope so.

Something that is also harder than I thought it would be is to describe who I am. I figure anyone who is willing to support me needs to know a little bit about me and my background. So here it goes. I am a 5'3", 29 year old female who currently weighs 234 pounds (ouch, it is hard to put that information out on the web - what if someone I know reads this!). I have struggled with my weight my whole life. Although at times, I thought I was a lot heavier than I actually was. When I was a cheerleader, I remember feeling so fat. I was a 135 pounds. Oh, how I wish I could look that way now. Like I said, my weight was always a concern and so I was always dieting followed up by bingeing. But I led a very happy, active life and was in involved in a lot of high school activities. I was popular and always had a boyfriend.

I moved away from home for college to a much larger city. I enjoyed college and had a lot of fun. However, I wasn't as popular and didn't have as many boyfriends. But I always had the boyfriend back at home . . . until the day he dumped me. It broke my heart and I think it has impacted my life up to this point. Throughout college, I got heavier and heavier. I also realize that somewhere in that process I lost me. Possibly my new boyfriends, Ben & Jerry (anyone else ever date them on a Friday night when no one else was calling?), helped cover me up with fat.

And now, I am me, but wanting so desperately to change. Currently, I have a good successful job, but I don't really feel very appreciated. I also moved from the big city to a very small town where I have no social life at all. But to be honest, I hate who I am right now so I am not sure I would have one even if it was an option. Guys scare me. I know when they look at me, they see nothing but fat! And I am so awkward around them. If one does show interest, I honestly wonder what is wrong with him. Oh, I have so many issues and I am just putting them out their for the world to see. But I want to resolve them. I am trying, I truly am this time. But I know I will have my setbacks and I am to scared to have people I know actually read this. So I hope you will help support me down this journey.

So that is a little bit about me. I am sure I will share more as I continue. Maybe I will even face some truths I have sub-consciously kept hidden. All I know is that it is hard to write this all down, even something as simple as my background. But that probably means that I really need to do it!

Ever since I can remember, I am either dieting, planning the next great diet, or falling off the diet wagon. Flashbacks of my life are always tied to my weight and the particular diet I was on at that time. Thus, my life can be explained in three words . . . The Diet Dance. I gain, I lose, and than I gain more than I originally lost. It is a vicious cycle that leaves me "dancing backwards." I want to stop the dancing, the fluctuating weights, and the closets (yes, plural) full of clothes that range in sizes from 10 to 24.

You see, I don't think I am the "real" me because I am hiding behind layers and layers of fat. I want to change, I want to find my true self. And the first step (I think there will be several steps in the process) is to lose weight. So although I hope this blog evolves into some great epiphanies and major life changes, right now I am focusing the majority of my present time on weight loss.

So, I am starting "the dance" again, hopefully for the last time. I don't think I am naive. I know that maintaining a healthy weight will be a lifelong challenge. But I hope to never have to stare an excess 100 pounds in the face ever again. I know I can do it, people do it all the time. How do I know? Because I scour the internet searching for weight loss success stories. I especially love blogs that tell the day to day story of the weight loss journey. These blogs motivate me and I am hoping that recording my own experience will help me stop "dancing" once and for all.