Healthy You Challenge Check In #2

So, I weighed . . . I cried . . . I got mad . . . I pouted . . . and I am now trying to get over it. The scale said that I weighed 232.6. That equals exactly a 2 pound gain. Grrrr! But who do I hold responsible for this? My work, my fat genes, stress etc. Myself, and only myself, is to blame. So I am getting back on the wagon. I can win the fight. Yes, I had a major slip up right at the get go. But I can do this . . . I will do this!

Fresh Start

Well, today is a fresh start. I am so glad to be finished with last week. It was a terrible week and my weight gain has just confirmed it. I am leaving work early today to go to a NBA basketball game. It should be a lot of fun and I am going with people I don't see very often. When first asked to go, I was worried about it because I was afraid it would screw up my plan. But since I did that last week with no special plans, I guess I don't need to worry about it. ;) I am now going to focus on having fun and making wise eating choices. I am determined to stick to my plan today!

TGIF!!!

This week has been so stressful at work! I am so glad the week is done and hopefully I can catch up this weekend on all the piles of paperwork on my desk. I wasn't prepared to have such a crazy week and because of that I feel like I was in a continual downward spiral.

Every day this week, I got up and exercised super early in the morning (4 a.m. to be exact). I would come back from the gym motivated to eat healthy and stay on track. However, mid-morning I would eat something STUPID and it was completely stress- related. In fact, one morning I came back to my desk from meeting with my boss and immediately reached for a chocolate truffle. I wasn't hungry when I went into the meeting and I wasn't hungry when I got out of the meeting. But I had an impossible list of things to do and so I ate. I am starting to realize when I have a time crunch in front of me, I check out for a minute and eat something (like that is really going to help the situation!). It is frustrating because I recognize what I am doing; I just don't care at that particular moment to control it.

I tell myself everyday, "What is the point of sacrificing sleep to exercise if you are just going to eat crappy food?" And this works . . .right up to the next stressful situation that I need to eat my way through. Any suggestions or tips on what I can do? I am sabotaging myself (which gets me so mad!) and I am not sure how to fix it. All I know is that I am really worried what the scale is going to tell me on Monday.

On the bright side, this work week is over. I will get up tomorrow and workout again. I am rededicating myself to eating healthy regardless of stressful situations. Stress is part of life and I need to deal with it straight on. However, I will do my homework (i.e. come into work this weekend to catch up) and at least not invite stress into my life by not having everything on my desk done before the start of next week. Here's to better eating!

Healthy You Challenge Check In

Yeah, it is my first check in with the HYC. Thank you already for the comments I have received. I was so excited!!!

So the scale is down 4.4 pounds this week. I am very happy with the number. I have been getting up at 4 a.m. to make it to the gym before work for the past two weeks. I am glad to see that it has paid off. Tomorrow I will try to post a little bit about my diet and exercise plan. Any pointers are also very appreciated!

I realize this is a short post, but this Tuesday sure does feel like a Monday. Hoping tomorrow goes a little smoother!

Harder Than I Thought

This blogging craze is harder than I thought. I have been trying to set up my blog for a couple of hours now! And it still doesn't look the way I want. What isn't hard is reading other peoples' blogs. I am so inspired by blogs that discuss others personal journeys with weight-loss. I have already found many who have been where I am now . . . facing a long, daunting road of eating healthy, exercising, and most importantly, staying diligent to the cause. It is scary and seems impossible, but then I read where others started and where they are ending up. Do they realize the impact that they have on someone like me? I hope so.

Something that is also harder than I thought it would be is to describe who I am. I figure anyone who is willing to support me needs to know a little bit about me and my background. So here it goes. I am a 5'3", 29 year old female who currently weighs 234 pounds (ouch, it is hard to put that information out on the web - what if someone I know reads this!). I have struggled with my weight my whole life. Although at times, I thought I was a lot heavier than I actually was. When I was a cheerleader, I remember feeling so fat. I was a 135 pounds. Oh, how I wish I could look that way now. Like I said, my weight was always a concern and so I was always dieting followed up by bingeing. But I led a very happy, active life and was in involved in a lot of high school activities. I was popular and always had a boyfriend.

I moved away from home for college to a much larger city. I enjoyed college and had a lot of fun. However, I wasn't as popular and didn't have as many boyfriends. But I always had the boyfriend back at home . . . until the day he dumped me. It broke my heart and I think it has impacted my life up to this point. Throughout college, I got heavier and heavier. I also realize that somewhere in that process I lost me. Possibly my new boyfriends, Ben & Jerry (anyone else ever date them on a Friday night when no one else was calling?), helped cover me up with fat.

And now, I am me, but wanting so desperately to change. Currently, I have a good successful job, but I don't really feel very appreciated. I also moved from the big city to a very small town where I have no social life at all. But to be honest, I hate who I am right now so I am not sure I would have one even if it was an option. Guys scare me. I know when they look at me, they see nothing but fat! And I am so awkward around them. If one does show interest, I honestly wonder what is wrong with him. Oh, I have so many issues and I am just putting them out their for the world to see. But I want to resolve them. I am trying, I truly am this time. But I know I will have my setbacks and I am to scared to have people I know actually read this. So I hope you will help support me down this journey.

So that is a little bit about me. I am sure I will share more as I continue. Maybe I will even face some truths I have sub-consciously kept hidden. All I know is that it is hard to write this all down, even something as simple as my background. But that probably means that I really need to do it!

Ever since I can remember, I am either dieting, planning the next great diet, or falling off the diet wagon. Flashbacks of my life are always tied to my weight and the particular diet I was on at that time. Thus, my life can be explained in three words . . . The Diet Dance. I gain, I lose, and than I gain more than I originally lost. It is a vicious cycle that leaves me "dancing backwards." I want to stop the dancing, the fluctuating weights, and the closets (yes, plural) full of clothes that range in sizes from 10 to 24.

You see, I don't think I am the "real" me because I am hiding behind layers and layers of fat. I want to change, I want to find my true self. And the first step (I think there will be several steps in the process) is to lose weight. So although I hope this blog evolves into some great epiphanies and major life changes, right now I am focusing the majority of my present time on weight loss.

So, I am starting "the dance" again, hopefully for the last time. I don't think I am naive. I know that maintaining a healthy weight will be a lifelong challenge. But I hope to never have to stare an excess 100 pounds in the face ever again. I know I can do it, people do it all the time. How do I know? Because I scour the internet searching for weight loss success stories. I especially love blogs that tell the day to day story of the weight loss journey. These blogs motivate me and I am hoping that recording my own experience will help me stop "dancing" once and for all.