Harder Than I Thought

This blogging craze is harder than I thought. I have been trying to set up my blog for a couple of hours now! And it still doesn't look the way I want. What isn't hard is reading other peoples' blogs. I am so inspired by blogs that discuss others personal journeys with weight-loss. I have already found many who have been where I am now . . . facing a long, daunting road of eating healthy, exercising, and most importantly, staying diligent to the cause. It is scary and seems impossible, but then I read where others started and where they are ending up. Do they realize the impact that they have on someone like me? I hope so.

Something that is also harder than I thought it would be is to describe who I am. I figure anyone who is willing to support me needs to know a little bit about me and my background. So here it goes. I am a 5'3", 29 year old female who currently weighs 234 pounds (ouch, it is hard to put that information out on the web - what if someone I know reads this!). I have struggled with my weight my whole life. Although at times, I thought I was a lot heavier than I actually was. When I was a cheerleader, I remember feeling so fat. I was a 135 pounds. Oh, how I wish I could look that way now. Like I said, my weight was always a concern and so I was always dieting followed up by bingeing. But I led a very happy, active life and was in involved in a lot of high school activities. I was popular and always had a boyfriend.

I moved away from home for college to a much larger city. I enjoyed college and had a lot of fun. However, I wasn't as popular and didn't have as many boyfriends. But I always had the boyfriend back at home . . . until the day he dumped me. It broke my heart and I think it has impacted my life up to this point. Throughout college, I got heavier and heavier. I also realize that somewhere in that process I lost me. Possibly my new boyfriends, Ben & Jerry (anyone else ever date them on a Friday night when no one else was calling?), helped cover me up with fat.

And now, I am me, but wanting so desperately to change. Currently, I have a good successful job, but I don't really feel very appreciated. I also moved from the big city to a very small town where I have no social life at all. But to be honest, I hate who I am right now so I am not sure I would have one even if it was an option. Guys scare me. I know when they look at me, they see nothing but fat! And I am so awkward around them. If one does show interest, I honestly wonder what is wrong with him. Oh, I have so many issues and I am just putting them out their for the world to see. But I want to resolve them. I am trying, I truly am this time. But I know I will have my setbacks and I am to scared to have people I know actually read this. So I hope you will help support me down this journey.

So that is a little bit about me. I am sure I will share more as I continue. Maybe I will even face some truths I have sub-consciously kept hidden. All I know is that it is hard to write this all down, even something as simple as my background. But that probably means that I really need to do it!